January: Chapter 5 - Self Awareness Strategies

Hello Everyone!

Strategy #1: Get to know yourself under stress.
In my late teens and early twenties, I was faced with high stress situations involving natural disasters in Asia. Because of this, I had to not just take formal courses in maintaining self-awareness and a coolness in high-stress situations, but practice this as well. I also had to take time to learn healthy ways to cope with stress and relieve it. These courses and experience have helped me to spot my "red flags" for stress, and also to calmly handle any situation that arises and find healthy outlets for relieving it.

Strategy #2: Keep a journal about your emotions.
I never kept a journal until I was in college, and when I started I realized how useful it was. It's not just for teenage girls talking about their crushes! If I've had a trying day, I'll vent about it in my journal, and then revisit it the next day so that I can objectively gain a better perspective on the situation I'm faced with, and make the best decision I can without letting my emotions rule.  

Three strategies I want to focus on:
1. Visit your values: I get caught up in my work life and the lives of those I care about very easily, and can occasionally lose sight of my own values. I want to take more time to myself to explore this further, and like the suggestion given in the book to sit down and make a list and revisit this.
2. Watch yourself like a hawk: I think this ties into visiting my values as well, in that I need to take time to slow down and be more observant, whether it's of my own values or situations. I'm still working on a strategy for how I would like to implement this more, but I think seeking a mentor would be great for this, as it gives the third person perspective that will be helpful.
3. Know who and what pushes your buttons: To me, this is such an important strategy, as I think too often people can be unaware of these. I think it's important to revisit this, especially given the industry we work in where we are consistently having interactions in a smaller work space with customers and employees. This ties into watching myself like a hawk, as well as making a starter list of these to increase my awareness.

Michael is exhibiting poor self awareness by not stopping and asking himself why he does the things he does. He chooses to say that she makes him do things he doesn't want to do. He should look at why he made the choices he did in his relationship previously, instead of placing the blame on her.

Here goes nothing...

Strategies I grasp:

1.  Observe the ripple effect from your emotions.  
     This is probably one of my favorite tools that I use with my staff.  I, personally, call myself an "emotional sponge" often.  Just by being near someone I can pick up their sadness, stress, elation, whatever it may be.  I tell my staff just about everyday that negativity is "contagious", sadly more so than positivity.  I make sure that every day, I come in with a huge smile on my face and strive to be the most untroubled and congenial person in the store.   (You're only as happy as you let yourself be!)  I can instantly see the effect on my staff!  They loosen up, laugh and perform at their highest!  Their happy mood isn't a hindrance on their salesmanship, like a bad mood can be.  Everything becomes EASIER.  It would be unjust of me to come in to work with a sullen mood and ask them to pick up my slack.  I am the leader, I need to create a favorable, enthusiastic, and encouraging ripple, everyday!  

2.  Get to know yourself under stress.
     Hello Stress... an all too familiar fiend.  It took me many years to figure out how to learn how to function properly with it!  For me, it's tied with figuring out "observe the ripple effect from your emotions".   There is a saying - sometimes you learn what not to do from a boss, than what to do.  Hopefully, most haven't experienced this.   My old boss, would fly in, and be an absolute wreck from stress.  The only way this person could function was to take it out on the people below them.  Naturally, this made everyone else on edge, daily.  I started to see a pattern over weeks, of how my fellow co-workers and I performed when this person was there, and how we did on days they were not.  I realized that they were coming in, as the leader, and creating a unfavorable work culture.  I found this as a great, but challenging opportunity to be the Team's cheerleader!  It was my daily goal to make them smile, laugh, loosen up and help them.  I find it to be one of the most important things I've learned from my previous boss.  I try my hardest to not let my team know when I am stressed!  I oddly become even more bubbly, happy-go-lucky and excitable!  This didn't happen over night, I read a lot of self help books and read a lot of blogs of how to calm the heck down!  It took about a full year to feel like I am bordering on having mastered this. (Lots of deeeep breaths!)  I can only get better!

Strategies I need to focus on:

-Seek Feedback
   *Commence full body revulsion* - I definitely have a fear of not being adequate enough.  Can't one simply live in beautiful, ignorant bliss???!  At my next team meeting I plan on asking my staff about what things I can do better for them in the store... provided I don't faint and get the words out... 
-Lean into my own discomfort
   I think my last description shows I am not thrilled about this but it is something I must work on.  I despise confrontation because of the discomfort it causes me.  If I can conquer this, my store can run more efficiently. I think I'm sweating now, having thought about this...
-Stop and ask myself why I do the things I do
   A month ago, I would say that never, ever, sat down and actually thought about this.  Yes, I have my scripted story that I have for customers, family, friends, ect, but what do I think/feel.   I recently just read a book "The Power of Habit".  (Totally recommend it - IT WAS AMAZE) I have not had a day go by since where I do not ask myself, why the heck do I do this everyday.  Put work aside... just daily things, that I have made routine, for no rhyme or reason.  It is so easy to deal with things on a daily basis and never think of the long term effect.  I often times need to tell myself to SLOW DOWN and think about why am I doing something, and should I continue to do so.   This will take a lot of practice... 

Signing off - Live long and prosper... 

Tristan- 
   Taking over store 20 last May was when the demeanor of the staff was most identifiable.  The team was tired, they were heading in to the busiest time of year, they were stressed and emotions were running high.  I often was asked the question, "How are you happy ALL the time??".  There were certainly days I didn't want to be, but it is as if a switch flips.  It's work, it is not about you, it's about the customer.  I tried to teach them all that it is a roll you're playing.  My work character is 100x more bubbly than my out of store character.  Meg actually compared it to a play the other day... you never want to break character in front of the crowd.  After time, the staff found their own happiness with the work they were doing.  I didn't have to spend as much energy on making them happy, they were performing in a jovial manner on their own.  Those who didn't... weeded themselves out!  >

    Self-reflection is intimidating and indeed an arduous mental exercise, as we claw upstream against the tide of emotions generated by our monkey brains. I make it a habit to acknowledge but not dwell on my emotions and try to filter the noise as not to let them shout down the quiet voices of reason. Abstractly, this task seems simple enough, but practically, when my chemicals start mixing around involuntarily and neurons start popping off like a faulty circuit board, it’s easy to lose perspective.


    In spite of this “battle” as Bradberry and Greaves put it, I have taught myself to avoid the false dichotomy of treating my feelings as good or bad. I like to think about my emotions as something that is happening to me rather than them being a part of me. Like any other sensation it is silly to blame myself for feeling it and pointless to assign a level of virtue to a particular feeling. How I react to these feelings is where the virtue lies. Much like a strong, foul aroma might signal to me “maybe don’t eat that oyster”, a sense of fear or anger can spring me into action like when my daughter aims her golf pencil-sized finger at the electrical outlet. In a management environment, fear or anger, if handled rationally can be used as an indicator light blinking to inform me that an issue needs to be addressed.


    Complimentary with my efforts to avoid putting my emotions in “good” or “bad” piles, I am able to experience the bodily responses to my feelings and feel my emotions physically. One very particular and peculiar sensation I experience is an insatiable itch on the tip of my nose whenever I start to feel stressed. I’m not certain if this is just an endearing quirk of my personality or a serious corruption of the microbiology of my brain and nervous system. I nevertheless have been able to identify this signal and respond accordingly. I can remember an evening when the flight schedule was light and we were scheduled accordingly. Then, without warning, an entire plane seemed to de-board onto our patio. Light on prep and staff, I began to feel as though my nose was being massaged with fiberglass insulation. I read the warning sign and avoided typical stress behavior, gathered myself and my team of one other person and focused on the task at hand.


    As an admitted introvert, I do find myself reflecting and examining my experiences often, however this is just the beginning of being self-aware. One strategy I would like to employ, is to lean into my discomfort. I find myself dismissing my emotions at times in an effort to skip straight to rational problem solving. This can be a useful tool to declutter my mind, but in ignoring both negative as well as positive emotions simply because I’m more comfortable without them, I lose the nutritious bits of those feelings, like the warning signals and indicators to explore the why. I would also like to visit my values more often. I have tried to build a structure of values that I stand for and wish implement in my life and expressing them is not something I find difficult. I do however, more than I’d like, find myself asking “why did I say that? I don’t think that way”. I’ve never thought of having to consciously revisit my worldview, but I think this would be an effective way to avoid the betrayal of my ideals by my words. Finally, as we all should, I will try to seek feedback more actively. I am aware that the filter of consciousness muddies and distorts my self-image. In striving for self-awareness, I will need to eliminate the biases I project on myself and trust more reliable, outside sources.


    That brings me to poor Michael. He is painfully unaware of his emotions. Perhaps if he took the time to know himself under stress, he might be better equipped to conduct himself rationally under the circumstances.


-Matt

Hello everyone,



This developing of oneself is very challenging and daunting, however pretty damn exciting at the same time. I have to force myself not to speed through this process when I think about where I hope to be in the next few months. I never expected for our core value of Plant and Grow to relate to me in this way, but it makes sense. In order to help others grow we too need to constantly learn and strive to be a better version of ourselves.



The test revealed self-awareness was my weakest area of Emotional Intelligence. I was surprised at first but after reading the first 5 chapters I came to realize self-awareness doesn't just mean knowing what you are feeling. It goes way beyond that. I have always been aware when I feel angry, sad, guilty, ashamed. I am aware and then immediately suppress them. This is part of treating your feelings as good or bad and leaning into the discomfort. I am aware of when I feel anxious, insecure, inadequate. These emotions tend to take control of my thoughts and behaviors. This leads me into the 3 strategies I am focusing on:





1. Visit your values



When I read what they meant by this it hit me how much I am like the person they describe. Until this past year, I hardly ever took the time to focus inward. My focus was on my to do list and constantly keeping busy. I did not allow any time to look inward. This constant motion was pretty addicting. I would get an adrenaline rush running from one thing to the other and often times working on multiple tasks at the same time. For the past couple of months I first focused on just slowing down. I no longer run to catch the employee bus. Instead I take that time to sit in my car and think about who I want to be that day or just listen to music. I now stay for "final rest" at the end of my workouts. It is like a 5 minute meditation. During this time I try to practice an awareness exercise I learned which has you focus on every sound you hear, every sensation you feel and every scent you smell (not always a good thing after a workout class!). Physically slowing down is allowing me to mentally slow down and focus on my values



2. Know who and what pushes your buttons



I find this one to be the most challenging. I have not been very good at determining the "why" behind someone or thing that pushes my buttons. I have come to recognize when an employee is anxious it sets my anxiety into motion. But I realize that is a 2 way street (see my #3 strategy). I have an employee who used to write really long emails revolving around statements like: "I don't mean to complain/cause any problems/be a pain." If I didn't respond back with an equally long message she would take it as I didn't care. In the beginning I didn't see that her anxiety overwhelms her and these emails were somewhat of a release. My reaction to her emails were not what she needed nor could she respond positively to my response. Recently she wrote one of these emails. I caught myself getting anxious right when I opened it. After a couple minutes I was able to remind myself she just needs reassurance to help calm her anxiety. Instead of emailing her back I called her so she could hear I meant what I was saying.



3. Observe the ripple effect of your emotions



As I mentioned above just as someone's anxiety effects my mood, my anxiety and stress effects the environment around me. Working on the above 2 strategies along with check yourself, get to know yourself under stress and watch yourself like a hawk have helped me improve in this area. I know most importantly I need to slow down, not react immediately and do not allow my emotions to overpower me. To help me put the focus on something other than my emotions at that moment I came up with saying a word that makes me happy...."puppies!" I don't ignore the emotion because I know that won't help me learn from it, rather it is just a buffer between my emotion and reaction. Now some of my employees say it when they need to and we usually just start laughing. What could have possibly been a negative situation has turned into something comical, at least to us.





Britney:



Thanks for sharing strategies for improving on the ripple effect. Other than "The Power of Habit" are there any other articles/books/blogs you found helpful when improving in these aspects.



Ashleigh:



I too haven't taken the time to really understand my beliefs and goals and move purposefully towards them. I have always had difficulty finding the right words to describe what I want to say or what I feel. The strategy of find your emotions in books, movies, music is helpful. I have also just been googling core values and reading articles on the web. Reading about it is helping me to construct my list of values and ways to move towards them.



Tristan:



I have come to like this quote from Ghandi: "Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny."

#4 Feeling Emotions Physically: This is certainly one strategy that I am aware of. Whether experiencing nervousness, anger, excitement, or any other emotion; there is physical change in how we feel that can be notice and measured. Being nervous may cause the stomach muscles to tighten and make one feel like they don’t want to eat, however, not eating will deprive the body of nutrients it needs in order run properly. Low blood sugar could cloud your thinking and deprive a person of their full mental faculties thus producing bad decisions which could compound an issue. Envisioning success is an old strategy which goes back as far as the Napoleon Hill era of self help from the 1930s but I thought it was interesting that Bradberry & Greaves suggest experiencing emotions, both positive and negative, via quiet reflection and taking notice of the physical changes which occur in the body.

#15 Getting To Know Yourself Under Stress: This strategy ties into #4 because there’s a noticeable physical changes that occurs in within the body as stress levels begin to rise. We live within a culture where we are constantly bombarded with stimulus, add to that the airport environment which most of us work, Parking, TSA queues, TSA personnel, & stressed passengers and it becomes clear that our ambient stress levels may already be higher than someone else doing a comparable job in the city. I genuinely enjoy the day to day activities of the store: the Team, our guests, the hustle bustle of the airport, and the opportunity to create a mini-vacation for our guests. When the aspects of my work that I normally enjoy start to become annoying or the team members begin to aggravate me I take note. Likewise, I also take note of the physical changes that occur and realize that it’s time to take a break and step away for few moments.