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Post by karenepley on Feb 16, 2016 4:16:00 GMT
Hello!
This is a daunting task: opening up to all of you. I have read the assignments and done the work but have had a hard time communicating what the assessments have said about me and my own findings in a public forum.I have also found that it is damned near impossible to separate "church and state," rather professional and personal in these exercises. I am a private person and an introvert so, please bear with me. I must also admit that I am painfully shy...I can understand that that quality doesn't seem to resonate in the industry that we are engaged in; understand that this is something that I have been working on for 21 years. Let us all pretend that I started when I was 2 years old....Please?
After the assessment, it was suggested that I work on visiting my values, leaning into discomfort and watching like a hawk. I was surprised and somewhat validated that some of my peers were assessed the same way. What was even more surprising to me was that they were people that I would have never expected to need to focus on the same issues as myself.
Visiting your values: The most important lesson that I learned when growing up was to be tolerant and patient. I went to St. Joseph's University for Elementary Special Education and worked in autism support while in school.Patience and tolerance need to be givens. I have had more challenging days with a fourth grade autistic child than ANYTHING I have ever had to deal with in this position. Think about that.
What I value is patience,tolerance,respect and manners: The simple answer is that please, thank you and excuse me are the magic phrases that make the world go round and round.
Leaning into discomfort: I am not one that likes confrontation. Some of the challenges that I have recently had to face are confrontation, discipline and separation. With my background, it is not hard to "aggressively guide" children into making the right decisions or guiding them into decisions that would not be self-injurious. This task is harder for me when handling adults that I know to be competent in making the right choices. The challenge arises when they make decisions that can be injurious to their careers and there fore, themselves and our team. It is a challenge for me to have to treat my adults like children. I would love to have a democracy as opposed to a benevolent dictatorship.
" People always make excuses for doing the wrong things and never make excuses for doing the right things.
Watching Yourself Like a Hawk
"People tend to jump to conclusions and make bad landings." -unknown
Because of all the a-fore mentioned lessons that I have learned in life, I tend to think first and speak later.I also tend to take a minute to walk away before my temper can manifest itself in nonconstructive ways. I would rather be contemplative than reactive. THIS IS A CHALLENGE MANY TIMES! I give the benefit of the doubt to all, sometimes to my determent. I do tend to watch my reactions: you never know what someone else is experiencing and how they are able to articulate it to you.
I have constantly watched my reactions for quite some time because of the uncertainty of who and what I may be dealing with.
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Post by tristandyerkindy on Feb 17, 2016 16:27:00 GMT
As an admitted introvert, I do find myself reflecting and examining my experiences often, however this is just the beginning of being self-aware. One strategy I would like to employ, is to lean into my discomfort. I find myself dismissing my emotions at times in an effort to skip straight to rational problem solving. This can be a useful tool to declutter my mind, but in ignoring both negative as well as positive emotions simply because I’m more comfortable without them, I lose the nutritious bits of those feelings, like the warning signals and indicators to explore the why. Matt, this is one of the hardest, but most rewarding challenges to overcome when working towards being self aware. It is natural, and frankly easier, to dismiss our emotions that leave us stressed, confused, angry, elated, etc. An interesting thing happens when we do this, though. The feelings get shut away only to reemerge later, often stronger than before. Additionally, by confronting the emotion and allowing yourself to be uncomfortable we are able to work through the problem so the next time a similar situation arises we are able to move through the feeling more confidently while making clearer and stronger decisions on how to act.Finally, as we all should, I will try to seek feedback more actively. I am aware that the filter of consciousness muddies and distorts my self-image. In striving for self-awareness, I will need to eliminate the biases I project on myself and trust more reliable, outside sources. I have found this to be an extremely effective tool in managing not only myself, but others. As a GM, I would conduct quarterly "sit downs" individually with my employees. I would have a list of pros and cons to their performance that I wanted to address, but I would let them begin the conversation by asking what they believed they do well and more importantly what they think they could improve on. In 90% of the cases, the employee identified nearly every item on my list. This created a much easier path towards course correction where needed, because they were aware of the issues on their own accord and did not get defensive over feedback.
I would conclude the session by asking what they enjoyed about having me as a manager and what I could do differently to help them grow. I was always surprised by some of the remarks especially when I thought something I did something well, but it was cited as an issue I could use to work a bit on. In these cases my own assumptions (arrogance) about myself was hijacking the need to address real issues. Asking for feedback is a phenomenal way to grow both personally and professionally.
Thanks Matt!
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Post by tristandyerkindy on Feb 17, 2016 17:17:02 GMT
When I read what they meant by this it hit me how much I am like the person they describe. Until this past year, I hardly ever took the time to focus inward. My focus was on my to do list and constantly keeping busy. I did not allow any time to look inward. This constant motion was pretty addicting. I would get an adrenaline rush running from one thing to the other and often times working on multiple tasks at the same time. For the past couple of months I first focused on just slowing down. I no longer run to catch the employee bus. Instead I take that time to sit in my car and think about who I want to be that day or just listen to music. I now stay for "final rest" at the end of my workouts. It is like a 5 minute meditation. During this time I try to practice an awareness exercise I learned which has you focus on every sound you hear, every sensation you feel and every scent you smell (not always a good thing after a workout class!). Physically slowing down is allowing me to mentally slow down and focus on my values Michelle, thank you so much for bringing this up. So many studies have been done on the "power of pause." It is an incredible tool for increasing emotional intelligence and allows you to bring yourself back to the now. Our time on earth has become a constant challenge of how to do more things, faster. This is counterproductive to exercising beneficial strategies for emotional intelligence, because all of the ideas we have talked about in this chapter take time, effort, and mindfulness. Well, who has the time for all of that?!?!? The answer is WE MUST! By slowing down...pressing pause.....we allow ourselves to live more in the moment, instead of five steps ahead. It becomes clear that when you allow yourself to do this things like stress, anxiety, anger, fear seem to dissipate, because you are present and focused on the now. Chemically, you are allowing your limbic system the time to pass those neurological signals into your rational brain. Watch this, and thank you for sharing!
I have come to like this quote from Ghandi: "Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny." Love this!!!
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Post by tristandyerkindy on Feb 17, 2016 17:30:58 GMT
Hi friends! So at first I was hesitant to write this reply because it didn't sound as serious as some of the other ones on this board, but I wanted to say that two huge determining factors that affect my patience and happiness are food and sleep. This directly ties into the "Know who and what pushes your buttons" in a more macroscopic way. I try to encourage my team as well to make sure that they don't come to work hungry or tired, because I consider these to be universal triggers to having poorer self-control. Once these biological needs are taken care of, you have a better chance of being able to "play the role" that Britney and Meg mentioned. There is a famous Kurt Vonnegut (RIP) quote that I have always really liked, and it is "We are who pretend to be, so we must be careful who we pretend to be." This is especially important with the face that we show our guests and the face that we show our staff. We really can morph ourselves into being super positive and bubbly people just by effort alone, but we can't make that effort if we come onto the stage in a weakened state. You bring up some really interesting points here, and to me it speaks to putting your best self forward. I too get extremely irritable when I am hungry. I become short with people, lightheaded, shaky, and very easily annoyed. Over the years, I have come to recognize this tendency in myself and have learned to excuse myself when I need to eat. Sleep, for many has similar effects. There is science behind this of course. Think about why we eat...for survival. Now, we can of course ignore a rumbling stomach and resolve to eat later. The body, however, is not pacified so easily. If the pangs of hunger are ignored, the body will continue to turn up the volume resorting to sending neurological signals based on how stressed it is becoming. The longer you deprive your body, the more intense these emotional responses will become, increasing anger, anxiety, and stress.
In some people, (you and me, apparently) these responses ramp up much faster and present themselves with more intensity than others. This is a fantastic example of understanding what pushes your buttons. It is not always other people! Crystal, thank you for sharing!
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Post by tristandyerkindy on Feb 17, 2016 17:46:21 GMT
#15 Getting To Know Yourself Under Stress: This strategy ties into #4 because there’s a noticeable physical changes that occurs in within the body as stress levels begin to rise. We live within a culture where we are constantly bombarded with stimulus, add to that the airport environment which most of us work, Parking, TSA queues, TSA personnel, & stressed passengers and it becomes clear that our ambient stress levels may already be higher than someone else doing a comparable job in the city. I genuinely enjoy the day to day activities of the store: the Team, our guests, the hustle bustle of the airport, and the opportunity to create a mini-vacation for our guests. When the aspects of my work that I normally enjoy start to become annoying or the team members begin to aggravate me I take note. Likewise, I also take note of the physical changes that occur and realize that it’s time to take a break and step away for few moments. You are absolutely right that our job setting lends itself to stress. TSA alone is enough to keep someone up at night! One of the areas I think we have really succeeded as a concept is in allowing people to unplug, if even for just a few minutes. I have heard people say, "what an oasis" for the past 8 years working at Vino Volo and it couldn't be more true. Compared to everything those customers have likely just encountered we are a welcome site. This does not mean that we, as employees, are immune to stress as a result. Table three is rude, Judy just dropped the only pan of pork taco meat on the floor, the BOH printer is somehow rerouting to the FOH, the last plane of the night at the gate next to our store just deboarded right after we were done cleaning and now everyone wants a Brie and Prosciutto, Bill called off five minutes after he was supposed to start his shift on a Thursday afternoon, its 3am the night of inventory and after two recounts we are still 8 cases of wine short!
I am sweating just thinking about all of this. If we are not able to understand when our stress levels are rising (we don't all have Matt's itchy nose), eventually it will bubble over into something far greater be that an unpleasant verbal confrontation, or worse, a physical ailment. We all need to learn to spot the red flags as they go up, and practice healthy self-management techniques to counteract them. Thanks Chad!
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Post by tristandyerkindy on Feb 17, 2016 18:14:30 GMT
Hello! This is a daunting task: opening up to all of you. I have read the assignments and done the work but have had a hard time communicating what the assessments have said about me and my own findings in a public forum.I have also found that it is damned near impossible to separate "church and state," rather professional and personal in these exercises. I am a private person and an introvert so, please bear with me. I must also admit that I am painfully shy...I can understand that that quality doesn't seem to resonate in the industry that we are engaged in; understand that this is something that I have been working on for 21 years. Let us all pretend that I started when I was 2 years old....Please? Karen, this is a learning experience for all of us, and you can be sure that airing emotional laundry is not an easy task for even the MOST emotionally intelligent people. You will find that working on improving your EI will help not only at work, but at home too. Many of the same stressors and situations are present in both environments. Thank you so much for sharing and I believe I speak for everyone that has posted when I say we look forward to taking the journey with you.Because of all the a-fore mentioned lessons that I have learned in life, I tend to think first and speak later.I also tend to take a minute to walk away before my temper can manifest itself in nonconstructive ways. I would rather be contemplative than reactive. THIS IS A CHALLENGE MANY TIMES! I give the benefit of the doubt to all, sometimes to my determent. I do tend to watch my reactions: you never know what someone else is experiencing and how they are able to articulate it to you. I was visiting SMF with Nate to complete a training audit. On the way to the airport from our hotel, we had an Uber driver that was truly inspirational. He had since retired from a government run office where he was a supervisor. He told us of his unconventional (as far as the other supervisors there were concerned) way of dealing with employee issues.
"In every case, I would sit down with the employee and ask them how they were doing, why they believed they were having problems, and what he could do to help." he said. "Many times their problems at work had manifested from something that had nothing to do with work, but instead a sick mother, a broken down car, a divorce, an eviction notice. I would tell them that I was invested in them as a person, not simply as an employee. Something as simple as sending flowers to the hospital for their mother, giving them a ride to work until their car was fixed, helping them apartment hunt, or simply lend an ear when they needed someone to listen went farther than any improvement plan or pink slip ever could, and in addition I connected with that person on a different level. I built a phenomenal team not by teaching them how to work better...adults can mostly figure that out when being given the resources...no the team was strong, loyal, and diligent in working for me because they knew that I cared about their experience, not just my own"
You are right, Karen, you never know what someone else might be experiencing and how they are able to articulate it to you simply by looking at a situation at face value. We have to delve deeper. Now, if we could only have every Uber driver offer such sage advice as our friend in Sacramento!!!
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Post by FrankRamirez on Feb 20, 2016 22:54:04 GMT
Self Awareness Strategies
As a man who embodies the old latin adage of Nosce te ipsum into my daily focus in and out of work, I feel that the importance of realizing who we are is important not only in an industrial aspect of leadership but in a personal aspect as well. As emotional beings we are prone to react first with emotion than rational logic, and this reaction tends to be hasty and or rash if we act upon that emotional response without using our better judgements to help us to help assess the situation with a logical mind and resolute resolve. The old industrial strategy tenant to self awareness when dealing with emotional conflict or challenging situations was to "fake it till you make it", a poor response to understanding personal management especially in critical or crisis management arenas where understanding your self-awareness (SA) relies whole heartedly in your ability to be confident in your abilities; something the fake it till you make it ideology fails 100% of the time. I have seen the importance of developing a successful aspect of SA in various industrial forums albeit educational, service, political, et al., and what I have found through real-time application and referencing the 15 strategies by Bradberry and Greaves I feel that each of these strategies offer invaluable insight however through personal experience #14 and #15 reflect some of my most effective competencies in my SA management.
#14 Seek feedback: Communication is paramount, and the communication sought and obtained through feedback is the only way we can grow professionally and personally from both a industrial and private perspective. Our staff is part of an extended family that we share a considerable amount of our time with outside our familial ones, we must be able to effectively communicate with our staff to help us achieve the data necessary to help us to become a deeper and more faceted leader. I always give my staff the open forum in which we can trust each other with our communication so we can always have the option for open dialogue for mutual learning and development. If I am unable or willing to receive the necessary data it takes for me to evolve as a manager and or leader I am unable to achieve that next step in my own personal advancement and growth as an emotional being. By allowing myself to be active and open in conversation and or feedback I am granting myself the opportunity to become that much more resolved in my competencies of my SA management.
#Get to know yourself under stress: Stress is a major component in any industrial aspect; this is also true in almost every facet of our everyday lives. Home, Education, Work, Relationship, et al., almost every corner of our lives is encompassed in stress, in truth, these is little to no corner of our daily undertakings that stress is not involved; that being said, it is important that we understand how we manage stress and quick. I learned very quickly from a stern mentor that the world exists with a "sink or swim" brutality and the world does not wait around for swimming lessons, however that this brutality is also a "baptism under fire" where we challenge ourselves to succeed through stress to help forge the leader you will eventually become. I am testimony to this, as we all are; and we have an obligation to display our competencies of our management under stress for the benefit of strengthening the confidence of our teams to embody into their our self awareness and thus resolve.
Although each of these strategies could be enacted on a daily basis the three I feel that could use more emphasis and engagement include:
#2 Observe the ripple effect from your emotions: Understanding how I can set the emotional tone and how I can condition the environment with my leadership to effectively create a greater sense of inclusivity with my staff.
#7 Keep a journal about your emotions: By using this forum I can keep a better sense of utilizing an online journal where I can keep and correspond with other GMs on successful and failed strategies.
#11 Visit your values: Establishing a definitive core set of values that I find represent the more effective and positive results which I seek to implement with my leadership and or management.
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Post by meglippincott on Mar 22, 2016 17:30:05 GMT
“Facing the truth about who you are can at times be unsettling. Getting in touch with your emotions and tendencies takes honesty and courage. Be patient and give yourself credit for even the smallest bits of forward momentum. As you start noticing things about yourself that you weren’t previously aware of (thing you aren’t always going to like), you are progressing.”
As I am the only RM, as far as I am aware, that is requiring these exercises of my GMs, I think it is only fair to partake in them myself. As each of my GMs have been working through this chapter, almost all of them have expressed hesitance and fear regarding sharing what they feel are their faults; things they are not proud of. They expressed admiration for people who had already posted, assuming those people simply already possessed the courage of honesty, and were not leaning into their own discomforts. They said things like, “I am not as brave as (insert name here), this is difficult for me.” I have assured them that we are all afraid to expose what we feel are our weaknesses and quirks; the things we are most self conscious of. Admitting them to ourselves and exploring them alone is a first step, but it is not enough. In order to fully gain acceptance of ourselves and create strategies that will help us become more self-aware and hopefully better leaders and kinder people, we need to just splatter all those thoughts on a canvas like a Jackson Pollock painting. We need to act boldly and courageously, even if we don’t feel bold. Only then can we begin a dialogue with others who have committed this act of bold self-exploration that will help us feel less alone in what we imagine are weaknesses unique only to ourselves. Of course we are all going to censor ourselves a little. There are instances and experience in our lives that are private, but sharing tendencies and strategies that you can bring yourself to share is important.
1. Quit Treating Your Feelings as Good or Bad
This is something I am working on daily. We are all raised on the concept that “good girls and boys” think and act a certain way, which automatically leads us to the conclusion that if we don’t think or act that way, we are bad girls and boys. I firmly believe that there is no black and white, only in shades of grey. We are human beings who are products of all of our thoughts are experiences. There are emotions that are labeled bad such as anger, jealousy, and fear, but those are just emotions that everyone feels that arise for a reason. I have to remind myself everyday that feeling one of those emotions doesn’t make me a bad person, it makes me human. It is how I work through that emotion and subsequently act as a result of that, which determines whether I am content with who I am and the life I am living. If I don’t allow myself to sit with an emotion and work through it, it is festering. Instead of feeling a bitter emotion, I become a bitter person, and that is not a way I am content to live my life. Of course, some days I am more successful at this than others.
“When you allow yourself to sit with an emotion and become fully aware of it, you can understand what is causing it. Suspending judgment of emotions allows the to run their course and vanish. Passing judgment on whether you should or shouldn’t be feeling what you are feeling just heaps more emotions on top of the pile and prevents the original feeling from running its course.”
This reminds me of a portion of a poem called “The Invitation”
“…I want to know / if you have touched / the centre of your own sorrow / if you have been opened / by life’s betrayals / or have become shrivelled and closed / from fear of further pain. / I want to know / if you can sit with pain / mine or your own / without moving to hide it / or fade it / or fix it. / I want to know / if you can be with joy / mine or your own…”
2. Lean into Your Discomfort
I need to work on this one a lot. I often distract myself from discomfort by reading a book. It makes me feel better while I am lost in the story, but when I stop reading the feeling always comes back. I have found that I often use gardening as a time when my hands are occupied, but my thoughts can wander and I often end up feeling very at peace afterwards, not just because I spent time doing something I love while being outside, but also because I usually end up working through something that has been bothering me. Sometimes I don’t even realize it was bothering me until I start gardening and thinking it through. I need to find more activities like this that give me time to focus on uncomfortable thoughts and emotions.
3. Knowing Who and What Pushes Your Buttons
Numbers 8 and 9 are two of my biggest button pushers! People who mistake a bad mood for a bad life and those who act impulsively because of a good mood drive me absolutely crazy! It is truly difficult for me to find patience to talk with people when they have a bad day and suddenly everything is wrong with their entire world. My instinct is to help them by objectively pointing out the positive and trying to talk them through a difficult experience, but most people in this mood are not as capable of just snapping out of it or of ignoring their own feelings to view the situation objectively without more EQ training than I can give them in that moment. I need to learn to ignore my initial instinct in these situations, because I am not helping the individual and I am just driving myself crazy.
4. Watch Yourself Like a Hawk
I think I am really good at this one, which also goes hand in hand . I did cognitive behavioral therapy when I was a teenager, which helped me learn to observe the roots of my emotions and how my behaviors can both be affected by my emotions and, in turn, impact my emotions. I also spent a lot of time while getting my degree learning how to help others objectively work through their emotions towards a goal.
5. Keep a Journal about Your Emotions
This is another one I am good at. I have been journaling for years, which allows me to write out everything and then reflect. This allows me to pick and choose what I share with others once I have already worked out how to explain it or made sense of it to myself. For example, when my mom was getting remarried, I had a lot of mixed feelings I needed to work out about it. Of course I was happy she was happy, but I was having difficulty separating my feelings about my father, her new fiancé, and her marriage from each other. By journaling, I was able to work all this out and share it with her in a cohesive manner that helped her understand where I was coming from and why.
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